


And hope is just a stranger, wondering how we got so bad

by Queenofthebees



Series: Love song requiem [5]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Mutual Pining, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-07 06:30:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15902760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queenofthebees/pseuds/Queenofthebees
Summary: "I'm going to Essos," he declared, turning from her again.Sansa felt as though he had struck her. "You can't!""I have nothing here," he countered, his hand curling into a fist as he heaved a broken sigh. "No lands, no title. I'm a bastard. And I can't stay here when I know I can never be with you.""Jon please!" she begged, both her hands grabbing his forearm desperately. "If the child is yours then...""How would you know?" he countered, wrenching his arm away so roughly it made her sob harder. His eyes softened at her tears and he gently clasped her hands."Sansa, even if the child is mine, I will never be able to raise them. And, I can't watch Aegon do it."





	And hope is just a stranger, wondering how we got so bad

In the days after their secret coupling, Sansa had avoided Jon as much as she could. Not that she had to try very hard because it seemed Jon could barely stand to look at her either.

When Robb had come for her later that night, she had assured him that Jon hadn’t spilled inside of her. What were the chances he had gotten her with child? Especially since Aegon had taken his rights every night since the wedding.

So, when her moon blood didn’t come merely a moon later, and the maester confirmed that she was with child, she had resigned herself to accepting the likelihood that it was Aegon’s babe. But she hoped that, by some miracle that Jon was the father. She hated herself for the thought almost immediately but she did wonder, how she could love the child if Aegon was the father, when the he made her feel worthless and humiliated with his whores. She was well aware that he was back to visiting the brothel in the city. He had never been subtle once they were wed.

It was her current condition which made her seek Jon out for the first time since that night. He had the right to know and she felt it should come from her.

He had been difficult to find but at supper, she dismissed herself, feigning tiredness. Jon hadn’t come down to eat, which suggested to her that he was going to be having food in his chambers. So, when she knocked on the door, he had opened it, expecting the servant.

The way he startled and moved backwards in shock made her heart sink. His shame and his hurt was brimming from him, making him turn away from her quickly. But he didn’t slam the door, which was a step in the right direction at least.

She stepped inside and closed the door with a sigh.

“I’m with child.”

There was no point in delaying the heartache, she reasoned.

“I…it is likely Aegon’s” she said softly when he remained silent, turning her body away in shame.

She wouldn't torture Jon with details of how Aegon had taken his rights every night. Likely, he had thought as much already and was desperately trying not to think of such things. Sansa didn't want to think of it either. The only good thing that she could take right now was that Aegon would leave her alone until after the babe was born.

"Did he hurt you?" Jon asked suddenly, turning to look at her again.

"He ..not really," she said slowly because Aegon hadn't physically hurt her. And her emotional hurt was not his fault exactly. But, still... "I feel humiliated knowing he goes to his whores. And I don't enjoy it. Not...not like I did with you."

Jon nodded slowly, still not looking at her.

"I'm going to Essos," he declared, turning from her again.

Sansa felt as though he had struck her. "You can't!"

"I have nothing here," he countered, his hand curling into a fist as he heaved a broken sigh. "No lands, no title. I'm a bastard. And I can't stay here when I know I can never be with you."

"Jon please!" she begged, both her hands grabbing his forearm desperately. "If the child is yours then..."

"How would you know?" he countered, wrenching his arm away so roughly it made her sob harder. His eyes softened at her tears and he gently clasped her hands.

"Sansa, even if the child is mine, I will never be able to raise them. And, I can't watch Aegon do it."

"Don't leave me here!" she pleaded. "You're my only comfort in this place. It will break my heart if you go!"

"It will break my heart if I stay!" he replied gently. He clenched his eyes shut, his hands reaching to pull at his frustration. "It is done Sansa. I leave at dawn."

"Were you even going to tell me?" she hissed, pushing his chest in her anger. "You're been avoiding me this whole time. Tell me you weren't going to sneak away without saying goodbye!"

He had the decency to look ashamed, his eyes flickering away and his throat bobbing in shame. Sansa scoffed, shaking her head at him for a brief moment before looking away. She didn't want to fight with him, especially if this was to be the last time she ever saw him.

And if it were to be the last time...

She reached up to her laces, her fingers trembling as she began to untie them.

"What are you doing?" he hissed, his eyes darting to his door nervously.

"Jon...I...I would like to be with you again. One last time," she mumbled, reaching to trace her fingers along the length of his arm. 

"Don't tempt me Sansa," he groaned, his lips pressed in a thin line with barely controlled restraint as his eyes watched her movements.

She ignored him, stepping closer until his back was against the wall and their chests pushed together. His tongue darted out, swiping across his lips as his eyes dropped to her own. Sansa pressed forward, tilting her head so that their lips were barely millimetres apart. And when he shuddered, his eyes fluttering shut, she knew his restraint was wavering. She pressed her advantage with her mouth claiming his roughly. Jon jerked back as though burned.

"Jon," she whimpered, curling her fingers in his shirt. " _Please!_ "

His hands gripped her waist and he pulled he towards him into a hard kiss as he broke down. Sansa moaned, her fingers clutching at his hair, pushing her body into him with desperate need. No matter how close their chests, how much their hands stroked and clutched at each other, it wasn't enough. 

Sansa's fingers returned to her laces, reluctantly taking her mouth away so she could focus on the task. Jon nuzzled at her temple as his own fingers pulled at her braid and ran through her hair as it flowed freely down her back.

"You won't forget me will you?" she whispered as she slid the loosened dress down her arms.

"I'll think of you for the rest of my life," he replied before pulling her into another hard kiss and pushing them towards the bed.

Sansa returned his frenzied kisses as she pulled her dress over her hips and stepped out of the fabric which pooled at her feet. Jon moaned as she reached for his breeches while he pressed her down into the bed. His lips trailed down her throat, over her collarbone and towards her breasts.

"I want to kiss your cunt until you can't think anymore," he growled against her skin, trailing his tongue under her breasts, running it teasingly close to her hardening nipples.

"Do it," she moaned, arching her back as he finally flicked his tongue against her. "And I'll return the favour."

"Gods Sansa," he groaned before pursing his lips over her nipple and giving a light suck. She mewled in response, squirming with need. Her lust was more acute now, her breasts extra sensitive with her pregnancy that she cried out his name, begging for his mouth to move lower.

Jon took pity on her, pressing insistent kisses down her chest towards her sex. She parted her legs in anticipation, her hands already sliding into his hair, ready to encourage his eager tongue. She turned her heated cheek to the cool covers of the bed as he pressed his palms against her thighs, keeping her exposed for him, and gave a long, hard lick through her folds.

His mouth was possessive against her, claiming her pleasure with hard licks and rough twists against her clit. She bit her lip, her hands reaching out to clutch and release the furs with every desperate whine that tore from her throat. Jon moaned in approval, pressing his lips to her clit in a hard kiss that made her buck her hips with a cry of his name.

His fingers slid through her folds and inside of her, making Sansa groan from the delicious fullness. His tongue pressed flat against her clit, his lips pursing over the hood. Sansa cried out as her climax claimed her, locking her limbs around him and burying her hands in his hair.

But Jon continued on, sliding his name across her sensitive flesh and making her whimper at the over-sensitivity as she was hurled into a second release that left her shaking from the intensity and made her weakly shove his head away.

"I'll never forget the way you sound when you peak," he murmured, pressing kisses against her trembling thighs.

"You won't forget this either," she retorted as she pulled him up to lie beside her.

She dropped to her knees, letting her hands part his thighs with the same possessive tenderness he had done for her. She licked her lips as she eyed his manhood, already hard and leaking from his attentions on her. The thought that pleasing her had such an effect on him made her tingle with pride.

"Gods!" Jon groaned as she pressed a tender kiss to his tip before sliding her tongue along the length of him.

Parting her lips, she engulfed him in her hot mouth, his hands instantly flying into her hair with another harsh growl of her name. As she pushed forward, taking more of him in, she thought of how she was grateful that Aegon had never forced such an act from her, the idea of doing this for him made her sick. She only hoped it would remain something between her and Jon, a precious bond only they shared.

"I don't, urgh, fuck! Sansa," Jon panted, his hips raising to gently fuck her mouth as she slurped around his cock. His eyes clenched shut and he heaved a deep breath before trying again. "Not in your mouth!"

She frowned, pushing herself closer to him and trying to relax her throat to take the last of him. She swallowed roughly, making Jon curse and causing his fingers to pull her hair almost painfully. He murmured an apology between his frantic pants but Sansa ignored him. 

"Sansa please," he gasped, pushing at her shoulders until she reluctantly pulled away.

He pulled her up, claiming her mouth once more as he shifted up the bed. But as his hands gripped her waist, turning her to lie on the bed, she pulled her mouth away and shook her head. Aegon always took her that way. She wanted this last time with Jon to be different.

He watched her curiously as she gripped his shoulders and guided him to lie on his back before throwing her leg over his.

His eyes widened as she gripped him and guided him inside of her. His hand stroked down her arm and over her chest, finally resting on the slight bump at her stomach.

She watched him swallow, his eyes glistening and she reached to cup his cheek, pulling his gaze back to hers.

"I'll tell them all about you," she promised. "They'll love their uncle Jon more than him, I swear!"

He gave her a sad smile, his doubt clear in his eyes as he pulled her down for another kiss.

"I wouldn't tell them about this," he murmured against her lips.

Sansa giggled and for a moment, she could let herself believe that they were happily together, that they had their whole lives ahead of them.

She sat back, her hands pressing firmly on his chest to steady herself as she started to move. Jon moaned as she rocked above him, his own hands sliding over her hips, alternating between a tender and a possessive grip. Already, she felt pleasure stirring in her gut and she shook her head, unwilling to accept it was over. She reached down to grab his hand desperately, curling their fingers together.

"Jon!" she cried, tugging on his hand to pull him up.

He pressed his spare hand against her lower back, his forehead rested firmly against her own as she adjusted her legs to sit on her knees. And Jon's eyes were dark and hungry as he cupped her head and dived in for another all-consuming kiss that had Sansa moaning as her body slowly returned to a rhythm. Her fingers clutched his shoulders, half moons etched into his pale skin as she broke the kiss and panted helplessly against his neck.

Jon growled as he pressed kisses across her shoulders, up her neck, claiming every part of skin he could reach. She returned the favour, her teeth nipping at his ear as she whimpered against it, delighting in the way he shuddered at hearing her pleasure.

Too soon, her face was buried in the crook of his neck, her limbs were tightening around him and her hands wound into his hair in a frighteningly, possessive grip. Jon pushed her hard against him,her name rushing from his lips with a low growl as she felt him tense and spill inside of her.

The taste of salt landed on her lips and she realised she was crying as she felt the wetness on her cheeks. She tightened her arms around him in response, his own hands stroking up and down her back as they came down from their high.

"There will be beautiful women in Essos," she murmured, kissing his shoulder again.

"None will compare to you," he promised, turning his head to capture her lips tenderly.

"You'll visit, won't you?" she asked, leaning back and clutching his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. "Promise me that you will come and visit sometimes?"

He was silent for a long moment, his lips twitching into a sad smile. "Of course."

She swallowed harshly to stop herself from calling out his lie.


End file.
